


Achilles, Come Down

by eurusholmmes



Series: Remember The Garden (AU) [4]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: CT-6116 | Kix Needs A Hug, Force-Sensitive CT-6116 | Kix, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Other, Sith Obi-Wan Kenobi, Song: Achilles Come Down (Gang of Youths), Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28941618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eurusholmmes/pseuds/eurusholmmes
Summary: Get up off the roof, Kix tells him.Jump off the roof, his Sith counterpart tells him.Obi-Wan Kenobi has always thought himself to be a strong man.But even the darkness makes the strongest fall, and oh... his anguish, his rage.. it could move entire mountains to his will. HIs Padawan doesn't intend to let it.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & CT-6116 | Kix
Series: Remember The Garden (AU) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105946
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Achilles, Come Down

**Author's Note:**

> so even though Kix is actually there for this conversation while Obi-Wan stands on the roof, Obi-Wan thinks he's hallucination clear until the very end. Just in case you get confused!

_Jump. You know you want to. What would be the point of just.. staying? What even is the point of living?_

It hardly ever rains on Coruscant. The temperature of the planet is fairly acclimate given that it's so deep in the Core, but on rare nights like tonight, Obi-Wan Kenobi finds himself on the Temple rooftop in one of the most magnificent storms he's ever witnessed. He believes it's very fitting given the current state of affairs that is the inside of his mind.

_You fell. You **fell.** Do you realize how disgraceful of a Jedi that makes you? _

Obi-Wan shivers and peers in front of him. Despite the haze of rain that's settled over the top level, Coruscant's skyline has always been one of the most beautiful sights he's ever seen. Tonight will be the last night he gets to gaze upon it.

When he blinks, he sees the cave. A cave that Asajj Ventress had used to hold Cody and Kix hostage as a means for exploiting his weaknesses. He had never anticipated becoming so close to Kix - _he had marveled at the medic's talents for using the force only in the times he was most distressed and concerned over the well being of his loved ones -_ and Cody... well. Cody had always been different to Obi-Wan. 

His heart stutters every time he sees Cody get struck down. Kix having to heal him despite his limited skill with Force healing, how he thought Cody was dead and he'd lashed out so hard that Kix had to be put in bacta for three weeks because Obi-Wan had nearly killed him. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi has rage that could move mountains, but the matters of his heart have always made him a very gentle, very compassionate soul. 

And that is dangerous. 

_Achilles, Achilles_

_Achilles, come down_

_Why don't you get up off, get up off the roof?_

_You could just jump. Kix won't miss you, Cody won't mourn you. You will die and the world will still keep turning._

Kix has not been able to find Obi-Wan for the greater portion of three hours. Cody had not heard from him in days, and he knows that Obi-Wan had been avoiding him due to the crippling fear of hurting him again. He knows he's dangerous. He knows the amber eyes mean he fell.. and he fell for Kix and Cody. 

The lightning shaped scars that mar calloused palms serve as a reminder of that.

Kix sprints through the Temple in a frantic haste to search for his Master until he remembers one of his favorite spots. A spot that only Qui-Gon had taken him to as a boy, and then he'd repeated the same action with Anakin as he'd been trained during his childhood.

The roof.

_You're scaring us and all of us_

_Some of us love you, Achilles_

_It's not much but there's proof_

Obi-Wan is standing on the ledge when he throws himself out onto the roof. The wind is practically howling loudly enough that Kix can't hear his own thoughts, and the hood of his robe flies down as he puts his hand over his eyes. 

" _Obi-Wan!"_

_Remember your virtue_

_Redemption lies plainly in truth_

There is so much regret there. So much anguish, heartbreak, loss... maybe the galaxy really would be better if he was gone. Maybe Kix wouldn't pity him every time he turned around and gold eyes flashed in the light of a new sun. Maybe Cody would move on and love someone else, someone who deserved it. 

_Just humor us Achilles_

_Achilles, come down_

_Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?_

_"_ Obi-Wan," Kix's hand slowly extends as he comes closer to the edge of the roof. He's had to talk other brothers out of suicide before - _and it never gets any easier, it just gets harder, especially when he loves them so deeply -_ "Jetisse, _please_ come off the roof. I'm fine. I've _been_ fine. You didn't kill me." 

Obi-Wan recognizes that tone of voice. He'd heard it in the medtent whenever Kix had to trick him into letting the medics treat him. Soft, gentle, _pleading._

_"Let them do what I can't."_

Kix can't see him, but Obi-Wan's hands curl into fists underneath his soaked robes. The rain is sufficiently hiding the tears that track down his face. 

_Achilles, Achilles_

_Achilles come down_

_Won't you get up off, get up off the roof?_

His Padawan has a good heart. Despite having to leave all the brothers he's grown up with - the ones who know him the best - to come and serve as his Padawan and newest medic of the 212th, Kix has never once complained. Obi-Wan knows what it's like having to carry the weight of trauma. He knows what it's like to come face to face with suffering everywhere you turn. How it feels to fail when you don't save a brother who borders on the edge of just.. falling. Of ending it. 

He knows. That's why Kix chose him. 

_The self is not so weightless_

_Nor whole and unbroken_

_Remember the pact of our youth_

"I chose you for a reason, burc'ya." Kix calls out. He's only mere feet away just off of Obi-Wan's left shoulder. Obi-Wan has taken to calling him an angel - _the embodiment of peace and eternity inside such a_ _kind soul -_ who has done nothing but tend to this bleeding thing he calls a heart that's threatening to fall out of his chest and leap right off of the roof with him. It's barely hanging on by a thread anyway. No one will miss Obi-Wan Kenobi and his heart of gold.. except the people fortunate enough to have been trusted with it. "You, and only you. You understand me better then most people In this galaxy do outside of my brothers. I need that." 

The " _I need you''_ hangs heavily in the air as Obi-Wan inches closer to the edge of the roof. The ground looks beautiful from up here. He could just.. go. Learn how to fly and finally love it instead of fear it. 

_Where you go  
_

_I'm going  
_

_So jump and I'm jumping  
_

_Since there is no me without you_

"You're not real." Obi-Wan whispers. He thinks Kix cannot hear him over the storm that's soaked him to the bone, but Obi-Wan is so deeply torn by his thoughts of _falling_ that he believes his Padawan would not risk sickness and exhaustion to come up here and coax him off of the edge of this rooftop. "You wouldn't be up here. Not after I nearly killed you, and just for.." Bile rises in his throat at the thought of Kix's limp body slamming against the wall. The betrayal in his eyes when, even injured, he'd still crawled across that cave floor and healed Cody enough to get him back to the gunship alive. " _Just to save Cody."_

"But that's what you do for people you love. You keep them safe." Kix smiles sadly. 

That had been one of their safe words they'd established when he was mostly mute, before he'd begun speaking in sentences again: Love. _Safe._

_Soldier on, Achilles_

_Achilles, come down_

_Won't you get up off_

_Get up off the roof?_

Qui-Gon Jinn would be so disappointed in him. Anakin would be disappointed in him. What had.. what exactly had occurred to drag Obi-Wan out onto this rooftop? Was it the fact that he had disobeyed the rules of an Order that become a home to him since he was three years old - _had gone and given his heart to two clones, of all people, both of which hadn't even been alive until less then a decade ago -_ and had committed the most carnal sin: succumbing to the power of the Dark Side? 

If Qui-Gon Jinn could see him.. what would he say?

What would he think of who he'd become? 

_Loathe the way they light candles in Rome_   
_But love the sweet air of the votives_   
_Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone_   
_Engage with the pain as a motive_

_Today of all days_

_See_

_"He'd hate you. You and your miserable heart and pathetic excuse for a Jedi."_ Over his other shoulder, a shimmering apparition that resembles himself appears through the dark, and Obi-Wan stutters in his step because this figure has the brightest Sith eyes he thinks he's ever seen. Gold eyes and long hair pulled into a loose bun on the back of his head. _"Jump off the roof. Go on then. You'd be better serving your Jedi and the Republic by not being here. They'll have an easier time getting by with this god-forsaken war when you're gone."_

Across the roof, Kix snarls and throws his hands outward. Through the bond with his Master, he can feel the call of the dark trying to crawl into it, to poison him. He can feel the darkness _laughing_ as he uses the Light to keep it away from Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is a good man - one he would die for with no hesitation - and he will not let him Fall when Kix is right there to pick him up. Not today. 

_How the most dangerous thing is to love_

_How you will heal and you'll rise above_

Obi-Wan uses that moment to think about Kix. How he'd sought him out in the darkness of his office - always ready to help, his Padawan - and had talked him through a mental breakdown of mass proportions that had been building over the course of the war. How Kix had taught him to grieve what he'd lost since being made a General of the Grand Army of The Republic. How his Padawan had held him so gently throughout the night and had mended the bones of his hand when he broke them. 

How Obi-Wan had fallen asleep again the next day nestled between Cody and Kix - _content and warm and safe for what feels like the first time in years -_ and oh, what he would've given to be there again. 

" _You've done more for him in two days then anyone has done in years." Qui-Gon Jinn's Force Ghost had murmured to Kix._

He really had though. Now Obi-Wan was going to fail him too. 

_Achilles  
Achilles  
Achilles  
Jump now_

" _Stop looking at him. Look at me."_ A series of flashbacks plays in his mind as his other counterpart, the one he's grown to hate as much as he hates himself, flashes in the corners of his eyes. Anakin's rage, Qui-Gon's quiet sadness, the death in the generator room at Theed, Maul, everyone. So many people lost.. and all mere feet in front of him. " _You see these failures? If you had just given into the power of the dark that's been calling to you since you were a child, you would've been able to save every single one of them. These are your worst failures, your greatest heartaches. And yet here you still carry them.. carry their ghosts. Why? They don't miss you as much as you miss them."_

_You are absent of cause  
Or excuse_

Kix is still standing behind him, but he's oddly silent now. He's glowering at the apparition - lips curled backward in a silent snarl - as he keeps his hands held outward in a way that warns Obi-Wan of _danger._ It seems that even in his most desperate hour his Padawan is trying to keep him safe. 

" _I love you, Obi-Wan."_ The words shake him to his very core. He hasn't heard them since he was young. They have become foreign to him. 

Something he doesn't recognize or understand. 

_So self indulgent_

_And self referential_

_No audience could ever want you_

Qui-Gon hadn't wanted him. He'd been traded off. 

Anakin hadn't wanted him. He wanted Padmé, wanted someone who understood him. That had been Qui-Gon, and he had died. 

Anakin Skywalker had been given second best. 

Obi-Wan realizes in that moment that the _only_ two people who had ever really, truly wanted him as _himself_ was Kix and Cody. That makes his heart swell and sink simultaneously.

_You crave the applause_

_Yet hate the attention_

_Then miss it, your act is a ruse_

He always was one for grandiose actions during the war. It was what came with being Anakin's Master. They called him The Negotiator - _a sharp tongued, brilliant man who could fell enemies just with his words, like his words were a mighty sword -_ and Anakin was _The Hero With No Fear._ They were a force to be reckoned with. A dangerous duo to face upon the field of battle. 

And here he was fighting another war - this one inside of himself - and screaming at the sky for how unfair the world was, for how much he'd _bled_ for those who didn't care enough to do the same for him. 

_It is empty, Achilles  
So end it all now  
It's a pointless resistance  
For you_

His Sith counterpart doesn't even have to talk anymore. Gold eyes that pierce his own flicker to the rooftop ledge again, and Obi-Wan braces himself for the inevitable fall. It just takes one step.

And it also takes one hand to shatter his reality before he can take it. A hand that he'd _thought_ was fake - because _why_ would Kix be up here when he'd nearly _killed him -_ and wrenches him backwards because he'd said _enough was enough_ and _I will not let you suffer any more then you already have._

Obi-Wan gasps as Kix's hand envelops drenched robes and pulls him so hard onto the roof that he would've hit his head had it not been for the gentle Force that he envelops Obi-Wan in, eyes gleaming in the darkness as his Master is settled on all fours. If he cranes his neck enough, Obi-Wan can still see the skyline.

"How are you-How are you standing here?! _Why_ are you standing here?!" His voice is hoarse and he's practically _screaming_ as he stands to face Kix, gold eyes bright in the darkness of the storm. Lightning cracks over head and gives Obi-Wan the opportunity to see his Padawan's eyes, and there's no contempt in them. No anger. Just.. sadness. _For him._

_You may feel no purpose_   
_Nor a point for existing_   
_It's all just conjecture and gloom_

_"_ I'm up here because you are my _Master,_ and you saved my kriffing life! Just like I saved yours!" Memories of the holocron and how the Dark had affected him seeped into Obi-Wan's mind. Kix had never shown an ounce of fear throughout that entire time - he had only ever shown kindness and comfort and compassion. Something Obi-Wan desperately sought out in times of need. "And contrary to your belief, there are people out there who love you!" 

_Love. Safe._

His hands move upward to the pendant. A helmet fashioned half in 501st blue and the other in 212th gold, a reminder to Obi-Wan about the two clones who care so deeply about him. It holds three different charms beside it: A lightsaber that looks like Kix's, and two words in Mando'a. Peace and eternity.

_And there may not be meaning_   
_So find one and seize it_   
_Do not waste your self on this roof_

__

Obi-Wan screws his eyes shut as Kix's anger flares in the Force. The only thing he's oblivious to is that it's not directed to him, it's directed at whatever is plaguing his mind. He'd been incredibly impressed at how much control he'd shown over The Force since Obi-Wan had found out he was Force Sensitive, and his Padawan was more then well acquainted with the demons that haunt him.

This one could however become a very real possibility in the near future, but Kix doesn't intend to let him fall into the Dark. Not when he's there to catch him, not when he and Cody are there to hold him. 

_Hear those bells ring deep in the soul_   
_Chiming away for a moment_   
_Feel your breath course frankly below_   
_See life as a worthy opponent_

_Today of all days_   
_See_

His Sith counterpart clicks his tongue in disappointment _. "He's lying to you. You nearly killed him and all for **love**. What kind of man does that make you?" _

Coward, killer. Coward killer coward killer _killer killer killer-_

_How the most dangerous thing is to love_   
_How you will heal and you'll rise above_   
_Crowned by an overture bold and beyond_   
_Ah, it's more courageous to overcome_

Overcome. He's done that before. Obi-Wan's gaze flickers back to Kix as his steps - _each step is so heavy now, like he can barely get his feet to cooperate as he moves towards the edge of the roof -_ lead him back to the ledge. 

"What am I?" He asks the medic. His _baar'ur._ Someone who he trusts with his life, his heart. He trust Kix as much as he trusts Cody. " _Who_ am I?" 

Kix grabs his hand and presses it against his face. Contact makes him _real._ "High General of the GAR, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Master, father, brother, friend." Kix's eyes - which rival the brightest stars, he thinks - meet his in the darkness. "Someone I am very proud to know and love like my own family." 

_Family._

A soft whine escapes the back of his throat. Kix has always been good at reading him. At drawing out his emotions, at loving him right where he is, _never_ content to leave him there alone. Kix loves him. Cody loves him. _Anakin_ loves him. He has people. A purpose, a reason to be here. 

" _No, don't you do that. You **want** to walk off this roof, learn what it feels like to fly without a care in the world." Sith Obi-Wan peers over the side of the roof and grimaces. "It's a long way down." _

They're arguing now, Kix and his Sith counterpart. He can't hear them over the thunder. His Padawan shines so brightly in the Force it's a wonder to him how the darkness has not been quelled yet. 

_You want the acclaim_   
_The mother of mothers (it's not worth it Achilles)_   
_More poignant than fame_

Kix's presence flashes across their Bond. Instead of focusing on the fact his knees are threatening to give out, or the way he's shivering, Obi-Wan focuses on the brightness of the memories he sends through their bond. The two of them in the Jedi Temple Garden. Obi-Wan having fallen asleep on Kix - _long before he'd ever really admitted to falling in love with Cody -_ and laughing over cups of tea, training together in the salles at The Temple and speaking late into the night as they peer at the stars from the overlook on their apartment. 

Joy. Happiness. _Living._

  
_Or the taste of another (don't listen Achilles)_   
_But be real and just jump_   
_(you're worth more, Achilles)_   
_You will not be more_   
_Than a rat in the gutter (so much more than a rat)_

Instead of a step forward, he takes a step backward. The lightning fades, the thunder quiets. 

The world is so quiet up here. 

_You want my opinion (no one asked your opinion)_   
_My opinion you've got_   
_You asked for my counsel (no one asked for your thoughts)_   
_I gave you my thoughts_   
_Be done with this now_   
_And jump off the roof_   
_Can you hear me Achilles?_   
_I'm talking to you_

There's a steely look in Obi-Wan's eyes when he turns back around. His own eyes - _which are still amber, but he's not particularly afraid of that now -_ shimmer in the darkness as he takes a look at the apparition, snaps his fingers, and demands, " _Be gone."_

When it does go, he's left on the roof with Kix. 

"Come back home with me, Master." Kix is pleading, which is also not normal. He seems to be desperate for Obi-Wan to be safe. " _Safe._ Kix is safe. _I promise."_

_I'm talking to you  
I'm talking to you  
I'm talking to you  
Achilles come down  
Achilles come down_

Obi-Wan nods. Kix's eyes fill with tears as he rubs his hands over them, and before the clone can figure out what's going on, Obi-Wan launches himself at his Padawan and buries his face in his shoulder as he weeps. Kix can barely hear what he's saying but it sounds something oddly like _I'm sorry._

Kix tangles his fingers in Obi-Wan's hair and shushes him quietly as he leads his Master back inside. His knees are wobbling from the sheer force of the relief he feels at Obi-Wan being safely tucked away in his arms - _a promise he'd made to Cody to always keep him safe even when he's not there -_ and he keeps a steady hand on his Master's arm as they navigate through the Temple until they're at their apartment less then ten minutes later. 

"Obi-Wan." Anxious gold eyes meet his own as Kix opens the door to the apartment and smiles. " _Safe."_

_Throw yourself into the unknown_   
_With pace and a fury defiant_

His relationship with his Commander has always been a mystery to him. However, now, Obi-Wan manages a stunned smile as Cody emerges from the kitchen in something akin to an apron as he and Kix had been making Stewjoni stew before Kix had gone to find Obi-Wan. It seems Cody finished it himself.

_Cody._ He whispers to himself. _Alive. Loved._

So fiercely. 

_Clothe yourself in beauty untold_   
_And see life as a means to a triumph_   
_Today of all days_   
_See_

Kix moves to retrieve dry robes and a tunic for Obi-Wan while Cody makes him tea and food, and together the two clones settle down on either side of him by the table in the living room. He nestles between them - a content, happy sound rumbling in the back of his throat - and takes both of their hands into his own as he breathes in the scent of stew.

"We love you, burc'ya." Kix whispers as he wraps Obi-Wan's aching hands around his tea cup. The Fallen Jedi lifts his eyes to meet those of his Padawan before flickering back to Cody, who then confirms Kix's statement with a gentle nod. "Thank you for coming home with me." 

_How the most dangerous thing is to love_   
_How you will heal and you'll rise above_

After taking several sips of tea, Obi-Wan ravages the stew like a starving man before settling both of them on the table so he can lean his head on Kix's chest and the rest of his body on Cody. "Kix, Cody." He whispers, soft and happily, as Kix runs his fingers through his hair. "Safe."

Kix nods and waves a hand to dim the lights. "Yes." He replies. "Obi-Wan, loved, _alive."_

Alive. Hm. 

He could get used to living again if it meant he had

_Crowned by an overture bold and beyond_   
_Ah, it's more courageous to overcome_


End file.
